"...there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so...." Hamlet

This quote is taken from Hamlet's conversation with his childhood friends Rosencrantz and Guildenstern. Hamlet considers Denmark a prison; Rosencrantz and Guildenstern do not. Hamlet then goes on to sum up their disagreement with this quote. I believe it epitomizes the whole ideology behind mantras, and as a coach one of the primary things I work with my clients on is developing a mantra.

Often times, the whole reason people hire an executive coach in the first place is because their mindset surrounding public speaking is negative. And for some people they want to know why it's negative, as a coach I say let's not focus on why it exists, but rather let's focus on how to change it. Through the coaching process the why often times presents itself, and I consider that a happy accident of sorts. But searching for the why is what I feel distinguishes coaching from therapy. If you work on how to change your mindset, then why it got started in the first place becomes a moot point.

Here are some of the mindsets clients have come in with; "I suck at public speaking." "I'm an introvert and no good at client relations." "I feel like I'm too old to change at this point." (I think with a mindset like the last one it's interesting they've even employed a coach--because clearly there's a second more positive mindset dueling to be top dog.)

As I begin the coaching process I ask my clients about how they feel in regards to what we are working on. Do they think they're good at what they do? Do they see room for improvement? What thoughts run through their heads right before a presentation? It's amazing how many people will answer with statements like, "Well, I think I'm kind of good at it." "I think I could improve." Or another variation, "I think I could sort of improve." And then there are those who are really in the trenches with, " I am really bad at this and I don't know what difference this is going to make."

Now this may very well sound like a sound bite straight out of Norman Vincent Peale's mouth, but I am here to tell you Shakespeare, Peale, Descartes, along with several other inspirational authors have gotten it right: You think it; you are (or become) it.

So what kind of mantras are out there? There are literally thousands and finding the right one for you may take some time and some effort. And having a coach or friend helping you discover one can be very helpful because often times they see your potential through a lens that's blurry for you.

Several years ago, I went through a period of incredible stage fright. It was so bad that I honestly didn't think I could remember my lines, so I took it upon myself to employ a couple of different measures to ensure I could do my job. The first of which was physical--being that I am highly kinesthetic I opted to go in to the show every night over an hour early and run through not only my blocking (movement on stage) but also I also went through my lines as many times as I could before others started to arrive. In addition to those techniques I did one other thing physical thing: I took to touching each seat in the theatre, making sure to connect with full space. But the last and most powerful measure I took was to employ a new mantra. As this fear was creeping in and sucking out all of my enjoyment of acting I reminded myself why I was in this show in the first place and I reminded myself that I love acting, and I know how to do it. I had trained for moments just like this. And there it was, my mantra, I'd hit on it. "I know how to do this."

That was well over ten years ago now, but here’s the thing, I use that mantra all the time. It has been one of the most effective tools for bolstering my self-confidence. I know this, I know how to do it. And I know that when my clients hit upon one that works for them, I see some riveting changes in their work. What are some of the mantras that have come up? Well one of the most vivid I recall is: “I spit hot fire.” Others have taken a much more traditional route and employed Sanskrit mantras, like those utilized in yoga practice: “Om Namah Shivaya,” which very loosely translated means something to the effect of: 'Om and salutations to that which I am capable of becoming.' It has a great rhythm to it and it works very well with the breathing exercises I give my clients. Others have included: "I am a leader." "I don't think it, I know it." "No one knows more about this than I do." "I'm moving through this."

Here are a few other tips to keep in mind when you are creating a mantra:

1. They are short

2. They are powerful

3. They embolden you

4. They are present tense

We think by using language, words accompany our every thought, so if the word we choose to think with are weakening us, we must shift them, and we do have the power to do that. So the next time you tell yourself you are good at something see what it's like to shift to a powerful mantra that empowers you. Given time and practice, you can change your whole world, simply by thinking about it first.

"Men of few words are the best men." Henry V

I love this quote. And the reason I love it so much is that it describes my husband to a T. He is a man of few words. That is not to say he is shy, because he is not.  He simply appreciates silence and adds to conversations when he chooses to be heard.  In other words, Jeremy is not one to needlessly reiterate other people's thoughts, nor does he talk simply to hear the sound of his own voice.  

What I find fascinating about his silence though is how it affects other people. Frankly, a lot of people aren't comfortable with quiet companions. Quiet people are often considered aloof, or at worst, arrogant--because people who talk more often times feel, in the shadow of a quiet person's silence, they are being judged--when in fact that's the farthest thing from the truth. Hence, introverts and people of 'few words' often get the feed back that they need to talk more at meetings.  

So when we coach men and women of few words, we have to get creative in order for them to stay true their quiet nature, while at the same time heeding the feedback and learning to speak up.

How do we do this? There are a few crucial ideas we point out to each 'quiet' client:

Because the business culture in the U.S. values vocal opinions, being silent can and will often times, be misconstrued. So we encourage our clients first to get into the mindset of, "when in Rome..."  

Sounds simple, but it isn't easy, and in order to do that, we employ a technique from the acting world called, "Acting as if." For one meeting try this on for size: Act as if you are someone who speaks a lot, or speaks with great authority. Choose some one real, some one who you admire. A lot of our clients these days are choosing Barack Obama. When they do this the change we see and they experience is palpable. Not only does their voice drop, their posture improves and they add their thoughts more often and with more gravitas. Because they are acting as if they are a leader, (and most leaders take the reins and guide people through meetings) they naturally start to speak up. Now that isn't to say we want you to think SNL here and impersonate or mimic Barack Obama, or any other person you choose to act as if you are, rather, take on their qualities in a way that suits your persona. In doing so, you'll start owning these new qualities. I like to call it faking it until you make it. The faking being the time of creating a new habit--and making it, when you really own it.

A second tactic we employ is this:Think in terms of your speaking up as a gift. Though you may not feel comfortable about getting more vocal, by throwing out a few more ideas, you are actually making your team members or clients feel more comfortable. And that is truly a great gift--putting those around you at ease. It is a deliberate act of generosity, and it will pay off.

Finally, you can also add to meetings by posing questions, summing up ideas, or mediating. For example, let's say the talkers really get going, and you see the meeting has gone over time or is veering off track. Take that opportunity to point out how things have gotten off track, or pose the idea of coming back to things after everyone has had a break, so that everyone gets some much needed down-time to ponder the issues. Stepping into a meeting in that capacity can be as valuable as throwing out a ground breaking idea.

As always, before you employ any of these ideas, remember to breathe. If you have the proper support via inhalation, the thought will be clearer and the sound of your voice will be stronger on the exhalation, guaranteeing you will indeed be heard.

Life's but breath-Pericles I:1:46

People often ask me, "is there a common theme among all the coaching you do?” and after almost three years of presentation coaching I can undoubtedly say, "Yes, I have to teach all my clients to breathe." I know it probably sounds odd, but it is true. Since breathing is an involuntary process, yet one crucial to life, most of us breathes in a way that allows us to function. But at what level are you functioning? How efficient are you in each task you take on? Breath is the foundation for life, hence the quote from Pericles. And yes, we all know how to breathe, but most of us are not breathing efficiently--we are either taking shallow catch breaths in our upper register (meaning quick breaths that don't sink down into the lower abdomen.) Or, on the opposite end of the spectrum, many of us actually spend a fair amount of time holding our breath.

 

One of the challenges I give to each of my clients, and to myself, is to see how they are breathing. I often catch myself literally holding my breath; I even hold my breath when I put a sweater over my head--like I was going under water. (Crazy, but true...) I also have noted that I hold my breath before I want to speak a big idea on a conference call. So when I do say it --it comes out in a rush, and it is nowhere near as articulate than if I had allowed myself to breathe before hand and connect fully to my thoughts. I also tend to hold my breath when I am getting upset, again leading me into a less articulate mode of communication. I have observed many clients doing the same thing. Another issue for poor breathing is trying to say too much on one breath--believing if we stopped to breathe--someone might interrupt us. (And in some corporate cultures this is true--so the problem has deeper roots...) Many people find a pause to be intimidating, the thought being, "if I stop to breathe, people will stop listening to me." And yet in most cases nothing could be farther from the truth. Pauses often lead people in to listen to what you have to say, and a pause also gives your listeners a chance to digest your previous content. When you breathe, it's a win-win situation.

 

But how do I breathe? There is a very simple answer to this, but as with most things having to do with old habits, it's simple, and not necessarily easy. Try this, it's called the "whispered ah" and it was taught to me by one of my most influential mentors, Jim Hancock. First, check out how you breathe on a regular basis, if your shoulders rise up on the inhalation, it isn't deep enough. This time, take in another breath through your nose, and think about actively dropping it down into your belly, when you release it, gently say the word 'ah'. I often ask my clients to visualize a baby in the cradle, how their bellies rise and fall so beautifully. Nothing is inhibiting their breath. You can do this too, only after so many years of physical and psychological habits, it may take some effort to get back to that ease.

 

If you want, you can try this exercise on your back. So, breathe in through your nose, and think it down, all the way to your pelvis if you want. (Though technically speaking breath doesn't reach down there, by thinking it, you do lower it, into your lungs, back and use your diaphragm more fully.) Now release again on a gentle 'ah.' See how far you are releasing your jaw, is it fairly held? For most it is, so with the next breath, gently press your jaw down and away from your upper teeth, as you say 'ah.' Next, try it sitting up, try it anywhere you happen to be, you can make the 'ah' vocal, or as the name implies you can whisper it. This type of breathing can be done anywhere, and no one will know what you're up to, but you will feel more at ease, for some at first, even dizzy, because it is more breath than you have been allowing yourself. Ultimately, you will experience an ease you have not had in a long while

 

If you take the time to hone in on your breathing, it is my belief you get to the foundation of all awareness, meaning, if you can tap into this unconscious and involuntary process, it begins to open you up to all else that is occurring around you...your heart rate lowers, you take more time to look into your listeners' eyes, you catch their reactions, you react less intensely to the many thoughts that may be whipping through your mind, you access vocabulary more quickly, and you smile more easily, and a smile speaks volumes--it allows your passion to pass on to your audience in the most delightful way.

To thee I send this written embassage-Sonnet 26

The idea behind Voce Veritas is for me to get myself in gear to write a book on the work I do. Clients have been requesting it and I think it's time to put it down in written form. I hope to write down and synthesize the ideas that have been passed on through my work because often times people are too busy to take on the type of coaching work I do, and they simply want something to read, to get them started.

 

As you'll see from my background information, I am an Actress and Executive Speech coach. I work with a small boutique firm in Chicago called Speak by Design--we'll have a new website launching at some point this February and we are really excited about the amount of work that has come to us in the last year alone. (You can learn more about us by visiting: www.voceveritas.com and www.speakbydesign.com)

 

Everyone at Speak by Design is an actor or an actress with an MFA. I happen to have two MFA's which is unusual to say the least, but each degree has served perfectly to bring me to where I am at today--which is a working actress (on stage, doing commercials and making small films) and being an Executive Coach. That title of Executive Coach is a bit nebulous so I will tell you a little bit more about what it is I do in the corporate sector.

 

In the summer of 2005 I answered an ad for Speech Coaching with SBD and the job has morphed and grown in wonderful ways over the past two and half years. I started working with consultants at a large firm who were getting various feed back regarding their communications skills. Some of those people needed work on their accents, others needed to develop 'executive presence' so we'd work on posture and mind set, others had work to do on synthesizing their thoughts. It really ran the gamut, but what I was pleased to discover was that all my theatrical training plugged in perfectly into the business world. And my clients were (and continue to be) quick learners; integrating the feedback and working on it on a daily basis.

 

Over the years my clientele has grown, I have worked with consultants, professors, non for profit workers, CEO's, students, and other actors. And the scope of my job has grown as well, while I still continue to work with people on clarifying their speech, accent/pronunciation work, and developing executive presence, I have also become a speech writer for many of my clients, and for a few I have even begun giving out style tips--what to wear, fashion tips, and for most I am also the confidante with whom they can safely vent--as all I do is confidential--and with me they can say, "this is how I feel", and I say, "OK let's work from there on how to powerfully communicate who you are and what you want." In other words, what I do has grown into developing people's true voices, their literal and the figurative voices, and as they do so, they begin to blossom in untold ways.

 

When I was a student at UT-Austin I walked by the main building almost every day, and on it is inscribed "Know ye the truth, and the truth shall make you free." And believe me, finding my true path, as and performer and coach, I have found an amazing freedom in my life that just keeps growing. I'd like to share that gift with you.

 

So it is to you people, who want to start slowly but have a curiosity about your true voice, to you I write these written ebassages...*

 

*Each article will lead with a quote from Shakespeare, so as to always tie what I do back to what I am most passionate about--acting!