What I find fascinating about his silence though is how it affects other people. Frankly, a lot of people aren't comfortable with quiet companions. Quiet people are often considered aloof, or at worst, arrogant--because people who talk more often times feel, in the shadow of a quiet person's silence, they are being judged--when in fact that's the farthest thing from the truth. Hence, introverts and people of 'few words' often get the feed back that they need to talk more at meetings.
So when we coach men and women of few words, we have to get creative in order for them to stay true their quiet nature, while at the same time heeding the feedback and learning to speak up.
How do we do this? There are a few crucial ideas we point out to each 'quiet' client:
Because the business culture in the U.S. values vocal opinions, being silent can and will often times, be misconstrued. So we encourage our clients first to get into the mindset of, "when in Rome..."
Sounds simple, but it isn't easy, and in order to do that, we employ a technique from the acting world called, "Acting as if." For one meeting try this on for size: Act as if you are someone who speaks a lot, or speaks with great authority. Choose some one real, some one who you admire. A lot of our clients these days are choosing Barack Obama. When they do this the change we see and they experience is palpable. Not only does their voice drop, their posture improves and they add their thoughts more often and with more gravitas. Because they are acting as if they are a leader, (and most leaders take the reins and guide people through meetings) they naturally start to speak up. Now that isn't to say we want you to think SNL here and impersonate or mimic Barack Obama, or any other person you choose to act as if you are, rather, take on their qualities in a way that suits your persona. In doing so, you'll start owning these new qualities. I like to call it faking it until you make it. The faking being the time of creating a new habit--and making it, when you really own it.
A second tactic we employ is this:Think in terms of your speaking up as a gift. Though you may not feel comfortable about getting more vocal, by throwing out a few more ideas, you are actually making your team members or clients feel more comfortable. And that is truly a great gift--putting those around you at ease. It is a deliberate act of generosity, and it will pay off.
Finally, you can also add to meetings by posing questions, summing up ideas, or mediating. For example, let's say the talkers really get going, and you see the meeting has gone over time or is veering off track. Take that opportunity to point out how things have gotten off track, or pose the idea of coming back to things after everyone has had a break, so that everyone gets some much needed down-time to ponder the issues. Stepping into a meeting in that capacity can be as valuable as throwing out a ground breaking idea.
As always, before you employ any of these ideas, remember to breathe. If you have the proper support via inhalation, the thought will be clearer and the sound of your voice will be stronger on the exhalation, guaranteeing you will indeed be heard.
